For Parents with Children in Mentoring Programs Guidelines, Ground Rules, and Answers to Questions

This pamphlet will answer many common questions parents may have about both their role and that of the mentor as well as provide some basic guidelines and ground rules for helping make the mentoring relationship a success. It is not intended to replace or supersede the rules developed by your mentoring program. If you have questions at any time, please contact your program coordinator.

1. Please do not ask your child's mentor to provide transportation, buy presents, be the disciplinarian, or babysit for your family. The mentor's role is to be a companion to the mentee.

2. Please don't discuss your child with the mentor in the presence of your child. If you think there is something the mentor should know, call him/her when your child is away.

3. Try to let the mentor know, once in a while, that his/her efforts are appreciated, and please help your child be considerate of the mentor (e.g., remembering his/her birthday, making occasional phone calls, etc.).

4. Remember, the relationship that exists is between your child and the mentor. Please don't ask that you or siblings be included on outings, and try to avoid excessive quizzing about their visits, so that your child can enjoy having his/her special friend. However, if you feel uncomfortable with any aspect of the match, or if there is something about the relationship that concerns you (i.e., your child is acting secretive or unusual in regard to the match), contact your caseworker immediately.

5. The agency strictly discourages overnight stays for the first three months of the match. Exceptions to this include agency-sponsored activities, such as campouts, raft trips, etc. These activities are supervised by staff members of the agency.

6. Forgive minor mistakes in judgment. The mentor is neither a trained professional - nor perfect. You will probably disagree with him/her sometimes.

7. Please don't deprive you child of the weekly visit with his/her mentor as a means of discipline.

8. The mentor will tell you when he/she plans to pick up and return your child. Please make a point of being home at these times and call the mentor if your plans change.

9. Mentors are encouraged to plan activities that are free or low cost, but we ask that you contribute what you can to the cost of your child's visit with his/her mentor.

10. Scheduling the times for the weekly visit can sometimes be difficult, so please be flexible.

11. The mentoring relationship needs time to develop - at least three months - so don't judge it too quickly; give it time.

12. Notify the agency when you have a change of phone or address.

13. Please keep in mind that all information is confidential and should be shared only with your caseworker.

14. The success or failure of a match depends upon the cooperation of all the individuals concerned. It is important to discuss your child's match with your caseworker periodically to prevent potential problems and to keep the caseworker updated. We want your child to have fun and to grow positively from the match.

What should I do if my child cannot attend a meeting with the mentor?

What if family plans conflict with a meeting?

Can I or other family members go with my child and the mentor?

How can I be sure that the mentor will support my rules and regulations?

What if the mentor says things with which I do not agree?

Who will pay for the activities of the mentor and youth?

If my child has misbehaved, should I allow him/her to see the mentor?

How often should I be in contact with the mentor, and how much should I say about family problems/concerns?

What if there are concerns or questions I don't want to discuss with the mentor?

 

For a copy of this brochure in Adobe Acrobat Reader format, click on the link below: www.adp.cahwnet.gov/pdf/1003.pdf